Abstract
The Gemara establishes that one who meets a dear friend after an interval of thirty (30) days recites the blessing of שהחיינו. Yet, normative Jewish practice today dictates that this blessing is omitted. This paper explores the Halaĉic, pragmatic, and Ĉassidic dimensions of this discrepancy, culminating in an analysis of the historic 1989 dialogue between the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi Avraham Shapira, and Rishon l’Tzion Rabbi Mordeĉai Eliyahu.[1]
The Halaĉic Baseline
The framework for reciting שהחיינו upon acquiring something new or experiencing a novel joy is well-established. A person who builds a new house or purchases significant new items recites the blessing. The Yerushalmi[i] notes that this applies even if a person acquires old items that are new to the buyer. This principle of “novelty of joy” is specifically applied to significant occurrences.
Similarly, the Gemara extends this principle to the realm of human relationships. The Halaĉa[ii] states that one who meets a friend after a thirty (30) day intermission recites the שהחיינו blessing. Rabeinu Yitzĉok clarifies that this specifically refers to a friend who is profoundly dear to him.[iii]
However, despite this clear mandate, the pervasive custom across the Jewish world is to refrain from reciting this blessing upon reuniting with a friend.
The Pragmatic Defense: Frequency and Complexity
To understand why the custom evolved away from the Talmudic baseline, we must examine the pragmatic realities of human interaction and emotion. Three primary Halaĉic arguments defend the current custom:
1. The Frequency of Occurrence
As noted by the Sefer Mitzvos Gadol (SMG) in the name of Rav Sherira Gaon, the blessing of שהחיינו is reserved for occurrences that happen only occasionally.[iv] While in ancient times, parting ways for thirty (30) days may have constituted a rare and profound reunion, human socialization—even prior to the advent of modern telecommunications—often rendered these meetings frequent rather than novel. In the modern era, where constant contact is maintained via technology, the absolute “novelty” required to trigger the blessing is frequently absent.
2. The Complexity of Human Emotion
The Mishna Berura, citing the Halaĉos Ketanos, offers a deeper psychological rationale.[v] A blessing featuring G-d’s name requires a profound, undeniable feeling of immense joy. Human emotions, however, are rarely pure. They are complex, messy, and often tinged with unspoken grievances, anxieties, or simply a lack of absolute jubilation. Because it is exceedingly rare to experience the pure, unadulterated joy that reaches the halachic threshold required to utter the Divine Name, the custom became to rely on the principle of ספק ברכות להקל – when in doubt regarding a blessing, we are lenient and omit it.
The 5749 Summit: A Clash of Paradigms
This exact tension was brought to the forefront during a recorded meeting on the eighth of Iyar 5749 between the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi Avraham Shapira, and Rishon l’Tzion Rabbi Mordeĉai Eliyahu.[vi]
The Rebbe posed a direct question:
- Given the Talmudic ruling, why is the custom not to recite the blessing?
Rabbi Shapira offered the standard pragmatic defense, mirroring the Mishna Berura: Human beings are flawed, relationships are complex, and the joy experienced is rarely pure enough to warrant the blessing.
The Rebbe, however, firmly rejected this premise, fundamentally elevating the conversation from pragmatic Halaĉa to essential Hashkafa. The Rebbe argued that asserting a Jew harbors negative or mixed feelings toward a fellow Jew contradicts the essential nature of the Jewish soul. At their core, the bond between Jews is one of absolute אהבת ישראל.
This argument was magnified by the specific timing of the meeting: during Sefiras Ha’Omer. The spiritual task of the Omer period is specifically dedicated to rectifying the sin of Rabbi Akiva’s students, who perished due to a lack of proper respect and love for one another. To suggest during this season that Jews do not experience pure joy upon seeing one another was spiritually incongruous. The Rebbe demanded that our Halaĉic reality reflect our highest spiritual reality.
An Alternative Hashkafic Approach: The Absence of Separation
If we accept the Rebbe’s premise that the love between Jews is absolute, we must find an alternative reason for the omission of the blessing.
Perhaps the answer lies in the very depth of that love. The blessing of שהחיינו is generated by novelty—the shock of a reunited connection. However, because the spiritual friendship and soul-bond between Jews is so deep and fundamental, true separation never actually occurs. When souls are intrinsically connected, physical distance and time are rendered immaterial.
When reunited, the friends engage with one another as if no time at all has passed, echoing the sentiment of Yaakov Avinu working for Raĉel: “ויהיו בעיניו כימים אחדים באהבתו אותה” love makes time elapsed feel fleeting.[vii] Because there was no true separation, there is no “novelty” in the reunion, thus muting the trigger for שהחיינו.
Conclusion: Minhag Yisroel Torah
The 5749-meeting concluded without a formal overturning of the custom. Despite the Rebbe’s powerful theological argument that the pure love between Jews should warrant the blessing, he deferred to the Jewish principle of מנהג ישראל תורה—a deeply rooted Jewish custom holds the weight of Torah. The collective spiritual intuition of the Jewish people had adopted the practice of omission, and that collective wisdom was not to be discarded.
Yet, the Rebbe offered a Halaĉic compromise. Before moving the discussion onward, he recited the text of the blessing but purposefully omitted שם מלכות (G-d’s Name and Sovereignty).
By doing so, he threaded a delicate needle. He avoided the severe prohibition of a ברכה לבטלה – a blessing in vain and honored the established custom, while still vocalizing the profound, pure joy he believed should define every interaction between the Jewish people.
[1] In no way is this article a disparagement of these great Rabbi’s. Having been in the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s presence and having spoken to him several times, I can testify that their ability to form any coherent thoughts in his presence is a testament to their greatness. No doubt, under other circumstances, they would have included these responses as well.
[i] Yer. Beraĉos 9:3. See also Gem. Beraĉos 59b (Tosefos ורבי).
[ii] Gem. Beraĉos 58b
[iii] Tosefos הרואה Gem. Ibid.
[iv] Sefer Mitzvos Gadol (SMG), citing Rav Sherira Gaon. This principle regarding the occasional nature of the blessing is rooted in Gem. Eiruvin 40b and is also quoted by Tosefos in Gem. Menaĉos 75b and Beraĉos 37b.
[v] Mishna Berura, Oreĉ Ĉaim 225:2, citing the Halaĉos Ketanos (Vol. 1, Siman 243).
[vi] Toras Menaĉem / Video Archive (8 Iyar, 5749 / May 1989): The recorded dialogue between the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi Avraham Shapira, and Rishon l’Tzion Rabbi Mordeĉai Eliyahu.
[vii] Beraishis 29:20